Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
