I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
