i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
