Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
