Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize