Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
