it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
