Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
