oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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