We won't sleep together?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
