there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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