i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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