The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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