ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize