Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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