He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
