Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
