the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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