oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize