Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
