Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
