Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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