I cannot find my penis.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm too high and old for this...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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