ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
