It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
