I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
