Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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