His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize