Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
