no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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