I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
