32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
