We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
