Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
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