God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Randomize
