chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
