Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
