I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
