that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
