he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize