I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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