You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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