I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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