I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize