How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
