Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
