loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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