Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
