I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
this is an emotional support booty call
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
