I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
