thus making me awesome and them whores
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
