I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
