I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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