I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
