I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Couch. On fire.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
