Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
