I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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