Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
