I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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