just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
