Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
