Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
