a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
