she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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