Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
