maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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