my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
