How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
